I am making an educated guess when I say I have taken 1200 pictures of myself that are “close up” or like this one. I could post a “face picture” everyday on this blog for 3.28 years before I run out.
I think I own 100 pictures of me that show my face + body. I probably hate 70% of them and 30% of those pictures I am most definitely strategically posing to make sure I look as “perfect” as I can while freaking out inside my head saying things like “Omg, I really hope I look ok in that picture. If I don’t that asshole better not upload that to Facebook and tag me in it or there will be Hell to pay.”
What I do know is this reality is sad. It’s sad because I am really not that out of shape or overweight but I have lived in this mind frame that has been at times, majorly distorted. I am truly grateful that as a result of my misperception of my body image I never resorted to anything dangerous ie: eating disorders, abusing drugs to lose weight etc. If I am honest with myself I will admit that I have always been in a position where I could stand to lose a few pounds. Who hasn’t? I literally know, no one. It’s just crazy to me how many times I have felt incredibly out of place because I perceived myself as someone who stood out due to my size, when in fact, I was completely average/normal.
So who was setting the standard for me? What were the factors that made me feel like I was only comfortable taking emo pictures of my face and purposely never including my body? Was it the Teen Bop magazines I read when I was a kid setting the standard on what “pretty girls” looked like? Was it Spring Break 89′ on MTV that screwed me up because I thought I was supposed to wear a white G string bikini while dancing to Rump Shaker when I got older? OMG Rump Shaker. I LOVED THAT SONG
Whatever it was, it can kiss my big white ass in good ol’ 2012. On some level this blog is starting to feel like equal parts weight loss journey and women empowerment. I don’t want to sound corny, but seriously, let me be corny for a second by saying we need to try our hardest to quit trying to be some weird super model version of ourselves but be the BEST VERSION OF OURSELVES for no one but YOU…..and maybe your kids. If you have kids then you could totally do it for them because they absolutely need their parents to be healthy and happy.