July 16th (2nd entry)

Today is just one of those days. A day where I really wanted to eat bad food. But I didn’t. SUCCESS

Since I promised that I would be 100% honest in this blog (in addition to my life) I will admit that today was kind of a weird day and all I wanted to do was eat In N Out. I realize that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I ate In N Out but today was one of those days that In N Out would have represented something bigger then just a meal that cost me 22 points on WW. It would have represented my “go to” coping mechanism that I have always resorted to when I has a sad.

I mean this with all seriousness. I am very grateful that my “go to” coping has never escalated to a place where I am bingeing out of control on food, or worse, purging it. Eating disorders are incredibly serious and I really do feel lucky that I have never experienced that. I feel like eating disorders oftentimes go under the radar and are not given the special attention and understanding that it deserves. Despite the fact that I have never had a diagnosed eating disorder, I do have my vices and poor health choices just like everyone else. Some people smoke, some people drink, some people have meaningless sex with strangers, some people gamble, lie, steal, take illegal drugs…the list goes on and on.

I am a self-proclaimed “poor choice maker” when it comes to food, especially when I’m having a not so great day. My “beer” is a Slurpee. My “cigarette” is a candy bar. I love sugar. I love bad food. But do I? Do I reallyyyyyyy like bad food and sugar? Or do I THINK I like bad food and sugar because that crap is super addicting. Ohhhhhh the benefits of serious self-reflection and honesty. I never get too out of control and eat a meal for 5 people or anything, I just eat ONE meal for ONE person and it happens to be packed with calories and gross stuff that makes my body do this to me:

Like I mentioned in the beginning of this post, one meal packed with calories and gluttony is NOT BAD when you have it once in a while. What makes it bad or unhealthy is the reasons why you are eating it. When I do eat “bad food” I would say 50% of the time it’s coming from a functional place. I might have exercised that day, eaten well and my friend is in town and we want to go eat something “bad”, take it home and eat it while we are wearing pajamas and talking about hot men and puppies. It’s the other 50% of the time that bugs me which is what today was all about —-> Something stirs me up emotionally, I feel bad, I feel sad then I get mad (I’m channeling Dr. Seuss) and then I say “I want In N Out and I deserve it and that’s that. I’m going.”

It’s that “I deserve it” part that BUGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSS ME SOOOOO MUCH. WTF. I deserve it? THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE?!?!?!?!?! Oh man, the caps have come out and the repeated pattern of letters = dramatic annoying writing. Seriously though, I deserve it? If I am feeling bad/sad wouldn’t getting a pedicure or eating something that makes me feel amazing make more sense then eating something that ends up making me feel 10x worse than I felt going into it? Our brains are messed up. At least mine is. Although my intuition is telling me that I am not alone on this one…….

Now here’s the good news

Even though I blogged about getting In N Out in my earlier post today, I DIDN’T DO IT. I knew deep down I didn’t really want In N Out. I just wanted to feel better for a minute. Instead I ate some more fruit and carrots and I’m going to make myself a yummy Turkey Patty after I write this. I didn’t like the carrots though and I was actually mad about it….

Taking pictures with no makeup on + eating carrots and being mad about it. I am dominating life today.

On a totally unrelated note I started laughing to myself thinking about posting this picture of me with no makeup on. After I posted it I Googled “Celebrities with no makeup on” so I could feel better about how different I look with and without makeup on. Meh, I don’t really care at the end of the day. This is me, take it or leave it. Except I do have to say that I think it’s hilarious that every time I went to school or I see someone I know out in public and I am not wearing makeup they would usually have the same response:

“Oh, are you sick? You don’t look like you feel very well”

or

“Are you sad? Is everything ok?”

BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Well there goes my dreams of being a “natural beauty.” Speaking of natural beauty, do you know who is one? I do:

I have way more to say about this topic (food, not my dog) but I am going to end the post here. I will definitely be posting more about this topic as time goes on because it does mean a lot to me. All I can say is I’m not perfect, no one is, I just hope that my honesty might inspire other’s to be more honest with themselves too. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I feel very deeply about life and all it has to offer. I am happy I can share it to anyone who reads this blog and will continue to do so.

This was my first tattoo. My 3 friends and I got it together. The good ol’ matching BFF tattoos. It is solid proof though that I actually wear my heart on my sleeve 🙂

XOXO- Deanna

About FunnyGirlweightloss

Hey You! Welcome to my blog, I am happy you stopped by and I hope my struggles make you laugh a little bit....wait, what?....Anywho, this is my weight loss blog where I will be 100% honest and real about my struggles in losing some weight and more importantly, keeping it off. Most people that know me say I am funny (hence, the title of this blog) so I guess the twist is the fact that I am going to be completely candid about how much losing weight can be really tough/hard/awful/daunting/boring, yet eventually amazing and totally worthwhile. Hopefully through my vulnerability and candidness, I help inspire others to lose some weight and stay motivated. https://funnygirlweightloss.wordpress.com/
This entry was posted in Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to July 16th (2nd entry)

  1. Miatak says:

    I really enjoyed reading this post. I think the same thing too sometimes (i.e., “I deserve this… meal, shirt, pair of shoes, etc. because ___”). Thanks for getting serious. And congrats on fighting the urge.

  2. Jennifer says:

    i flippin love you deanna. That’s it. Oh, and i’m proud of you. And thanks for the pic with chewed carrots coming out of your mouth. Definitely let us know how you felt about eating them. Love the no makeup. And BTW, people’s responses to you minus the makeup is NOT an indication that you’re not a natural beauty…it’s an indication that people pretty much never see you without it so you just look different. Just like if I were to go out with a full face of makeup, my friends would look at me and say, “Is something wrong? Are you okay? Are you sick?” Seriously. XOXO.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s