October 18th

Dear Coworkers Who Read My Blog, 

I am on my lunch break. Don’t get me in trouble for writing my blog during work hours. 

Love, Your Coworker who is listening to Gangnam Style at her desk

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Alright so here’s the latest screen shot of the keywords people out in the Universe search that get them to my blog. Please, let’s take a moment and look at #1 & #2.

Are you trying to tell me that the keywords “FUNNY FAT GIRL” brings you to my blog?! Side Note: I just laughed out-loud when I wrote that sentence. I am strangely offended. Now I’m going to pick on that person because they spelled out “weight loss” incorrectly and instead typed “weighloss.” Alright, so get your shit together Tyrone and learn how to spell. While you’re at it start realizing that I am a FUNNY GIRL talking about weight loss not a funny fat girl.

After re-reading this paragraph I just realized how hostile and angry I sound. I am not. At all. I am actually laughing nonstop. I really can’t stop. I also still love the person that found my blog by searching “funny fat girl weighloss” and welcome you back anytime.

#2 most used keywords for today: Overly Attached Girlfriend.

Now if you don’t know about the Overly Attached Girlfriend Meme that I posted awhile back then this just looks like I am a total nightmare to date or at least make out with on a continual basis. I don’t really feel like I need to elaborate on this one other then say it made me laugh.

Lastly, someone searched “Funny weight loss congratulations letter.” Now I am curious. Who is sending their friend or loved one a congratulations letter about losing weight but masking it with a blanket of humor and sarcasm. Damn, man. That’s rough.

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Moving on to the weather because everyone talks about the weather when there is nothing else to talk about. I took this screen shot while I was watching my dog take a dump on the lawn this morning at 6:49am. I was pleasantly pleased that it was 70 degrees at 6:49am and it was very gloomy and sprinkling. Then I became even more pleased when I saw that Saturday-Tuesday it is expected to be in the low to mid 70’s. FINALLY I get to feel like it’s Fall around these parts.

When I think about how I have never lived anywhere else but California it makes me question my sanity considering I HATE hot weather. I have never ever ever ever ever liked it. I don’t really like the beach and I find large bodies of water disturbing. Equally disturbing is how I have always felt in a bathing suit so living in a hot weathered city/state just does not make sense for me. I am not saying that I want to move to a city/state where it snows for months out of the year but if I don’t move in the next 5 years to a place that has SEASONS and actual cool weather during the holiday season then I am going to lose my mind. I really don’t want to do this anymore. <—–Holy cow that sentence just sounded like I am talking about being in a bad relationship with someone. I feel like I might actually be breaking up with California.

Side Note: While I am reading this I just heard my coworker make a personal phone call and I overheard her say, “Well yah he wakes up with a boner every morning.” I just screamed WHAT?!? and got no response from her. She is clearly invested in this conversation + she is probably used to me screaming “what” to myself pretty often.

Back to my shitty boyfriend named California.

So my friend Jessica who lives in Austin, Texas texted me yesterday telling me that she might be moving to Dallas, TX in June 2013 which oddly enough is when I was thinking maybe I will move to Austin. She told me she could get me a job at the hospital she works at and considering she might be moving away from Austin when I would be moving there (IF I move there) then logic tells me I could just take her job.

This is good news except now I’m strangely stressed out and here’s why. When you graduate with your Masters of Social Work in California you get your MSW. Then you apply to get your ASW (you don’t have to take a test for this) which then means you are registered and you can do your supervision hours and eventually take a big scary test to become a LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) and make tons more money and if you want you can have your own private practice. Texas is not like this. Neither are a lot of states. Some states make you become a licensed Masters level Social Worker so you really can’t get a job without having your LMSW OR your job search just becomes limited.

The good part is I can take the test anytime I want even if I am still living in California AND if I do move in June 2013 then I still have 9 months to take it. Jessica said she went into a cave and studied for 2 days straight and she passed it on her first try. Ok, so she didn’t actually go in a cave but that is how I imagine it was like. I also imagine she was wearing nothing but a dirty bed sheet and was living off a bottle of luke warm tap water. That is disgusting, Deanna! Why am I talking to myself.

Jessica emailed me the study guide she used to prepare for the test. I now present you the study guide.

I just threw up in my mouth a little. Oh well. I have been through worse. Or have I? <—-play dramatic drum music in your head when you read that.

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My friend Marianne (same faithful reader) just sent me an email that said “Are you down?” and sent me this link: http://blackouthh.com/rules

If you are too afraid to click that link I will tell you that it is a Haunted House whereby you have be 18 to enter AND you have to walk alone. Not only that here are the rules (WHAT THE EFF IS THIS TWISTED SH*T):

Rules

  1. YOU MUST WALK THROUGH ALONE.
  2. You must be over 18.
  3. Stay on the marked path at all times.
  4. You will be prompted to do certain actions. Please do exactly as you’re told. This is for your safety. 
  5. There is absolutely no speaking allowed inside. You can, however, scream as loud as you’d like.
  6. Do not ever touch the actors.
  7. Do not ever touch the walls.
  8. You must wear a protective mask and carry a flashlight at all times. (We will provide both of these items for you. Please do not bring your own.)

If you have an emergency while walking through the house and need to be escorted out, please yell the word “SAFETY” as loud as you can. Stay where you are, remain calm, and someone will come to get you and bring you out. Once you call “SAFETY”, there are no refunds and there are no options but to leave.

Please be aware, you will encounter:

FOG – STROBE LIGHTS – COMPLETE DARKNESS
CRAWLING – STAIRS – LOUD NOISES – WATER
PHYSICAL CONTACT – SEXUAL and VIOLENT SITUATIONS

Dear Marianne,

Are you trying to give me an epileptic seizure & heart attack at the same time of feeling like I am being physically violated/assaulted while having a panic attack from my phobia of being in enclosed spaces and having no control over the situation? You would have had better success with me signing over Tessa to a clan of angry clowns that were going to feed her nothing but glass and feces. Omg. I just took that way too far. Tessa and I are both going no where. We will be in my room eating frozen yogurt while watching Cinderella.

Love, Me

Omg I totally got the creeps from reading that description. I really don’t like how you have to go alone AND THAT THERE IS A SAFETY WORD. This sounds like 1 step away from being a snuff film. Why do I know what snuff films are? Gross.

I’m pretty sure my lunch break is over now and I have yet to mention anything about food. Well, that’s because I don’t care anymore. I am going to gain all my weight back and more but just wear less clothing. Sounds like a terrible plan which is why I won’t be doing that. I love you all.

-D

About FunnyGirlweightloss

Hey You! Welcome to my blog, I am happy you stopped by and I hope my struggles make you laugh a little bit....wait, what?....Anywho, this is my weight loss blog where I will be 100% honest and real about my struggles in losing some weight and more importantly, keeping it off. Most people that know me say I am funny (hence, the title of this blog) so I guess the twist is the fact that I am going to be completely candid about how much losing weight can be really tough/hard/awful/daunting/boring, yet eventually amazing and totally worthwhile. Hopefully through my vulnerability and candidness, I help inspire others to lose some weight and stay motivated. https://funnygirlweightloss.wordpress.com/
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2 Responses to October 18th

  1. omg i just DIED laughing. …………….aaaaaaaaandddd YOU’RE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Liz says:

    This is possibly your greatest post yet! I don’t know why I love it so much, I just do =)

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